Adrift in Berlin

The latest issue of Outpost hit newsstands across Canada a few weeks ago.

This time in my Adrift on the Continent column, I’m taking you to Berlin. Well, I suppose I should say “bringing you to Berlin”, since I live here.

But you won’t find any of the usual stuff in this story. No Berlin Wall or Brandenburg Gate, and definitely no tedious tales of yet another all night excursion to a techno club by a drugged out travel writer.

Instead, I wrote about the city from a resident’s perspective. I wanted to give you a sense of what it’s like to live here.

Okay, I know you’re desperate to read this, so here’s what I want you to do.

First, drive safely. Contain your excitement, at least for now. I don’t want you reading this in the hospital.

Get yourself to your local Chapters or Indigo, or whatever they’re calling those big bookstore chains now.

Make your way to the Magazine section. It will look something like this:

Now, zone in on the Travel section.

Yes, that’s right…

Look for a rather handsome devil on the cover.

No, that’s a horse.

HINT: look up.

<sigh> Next to the chick in the swimsuit.

Now you’ve got it…

Bypass the Lonely Planet — there’s nothing in it for you.

Voice from another room: Unless they ask him to write for them, in which case he’ll edit this.

Skip Travel + Leisure, too. You don’t need another review of hotels or all-inclusive resorts.

What you want is engaging long form narratives.

That’s it. You’ve found me, despite the scratched plastic.

Now, reach for your copy of Outpost:

Good job! You got the last one.

Don’t forget to take it to the cash and pay for it.

And stop by the Travel Literature section on your way to see if they stock my book Vagabond Dreams. If they do not, please either throw yourself to the floor and demand it, or threaten to go on a hunger strike. I think throwing yourself to the floor and yelling a lot is the better option. It’d be difficult to do a hunger strike right next to Starbucks.

Congratulations. You’ve got your copy of my latest thought-provoking wanderlust-inducing piece of prose about place.

Take it home and enjoy it with a nice cup of Tetley.

I guarantee it will make you want to visit Berlin.

Voice from another room: Yeah — to get a refund!

Would someone please shut that jerk up?

(Thank you to Sachiko for sending these photos)