Why I Hate Chamomile Tea

 

You know what really pisses me off?

Chamomile tea.

Anything labelled “soothing” or “calming” drives my anger through the roof. Are you saying I need to calm down???? Are you? Well great job then Mr. Crystal Rubber, because I HATE being told what to do. Don’t be surprised if “someone” eggs your house… I need calming down like I need 14 assholes.

Sleepytime Tea! Bah! I want a tea that pisses me off and raises my blood pressure!

I think twig tea would do the trick. Being served an infusion of dried up old sticks is sure to send even the most blissful New Age tree kisser into a sputtering rage.

The world needs less drums and singing bowls—and we could certainly do without music that sounds like three dogs piddling in a tin. There’s a need for my tea, and I’m going to market it:

Murdock’s Angry Tea

It’s as dangerous as giving explosives to an anarchist. Buy a box today. I guarantee you’ll wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

 

Comments

  1. Please send one case, soonest. Or two cases, even sooner.

  2. woah man I think you need to like totally calm down man…

    Have you ever tried passionflower or skullcap or damiana tea… I think they would really help with those rage issues.

    Or perhaps all you need is a few tokes on this goodness…. ahhhhh

  3. Yeah…(snarls)…straight up with five sugars!

  4. So cruel to the innocent chamomile.
    However, I may have solved your problem
    Visit jwittyspirits.com
    Really delicious.
    Happy Travels.

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