You know what really pisses me off?
Anything labelled “soothing” or “calming” drives my anger through the roof. Are you saying I need to calm down???? Are you? Well great job then Mr. Crystal Rubber, because I HATE being told what to do. Don’t be surprised if “someone” eggs your house… I need calming down like I need 14 assholes.
Sleepytime Tea! Bah! I want a tea that pisses me off and raises my blood pressure!
I think twig tea would do the trick. Being served an infusion of dried up old sticks is sure to send even the most blissful New Age tree kisser into a sputtering rage.
The world needs less drums and singing bowls—and we could certainly do without music that sounds like three dogs piddling in a tin. There’s a need for my tea, and I’m going to market it:
Murdock’s Angry Tea
It’s as dangerous as giving explosives to an anarchist. Buy a box today. I guarantee you’ll wake up on the wrong side of the bed.